Selfreflection
by Olego
Summary: Kevin experiences some complex.


The door closes behind Kevin and Scotty looks up, only to find Kevin already halfway to the kitchen.

"Hi honey." He calls from his place on the couch. "How was your day."

"Fine." Kevin calls back.

Scotty hears Kevin take out something from the fridge, and the sound of Kevin gulping down almost an entire bottle of water.

"I'm gonna make dinner soon." Scotty says. "I thought we'd have pasta."

"Oh. I'm not that hungry. I'll just have a fruit." Kevin says when he walks through the living room to the bedroom.

Kevin not hungry? Scotty raises an eyebrow. All the time he's ever known Kevin, not once has he not been hungry. Something's not right. He puts his papers away and gets up. Kevin is in the bedroom, changing his work suit into more comfortable clothes to wear at home, just like he does every day.

Kevin looks up when he hears Scotty enter, almost dropping the sweater he's holding. He fiddles with it for a while and quickly puts it on, almost as if he didn't want Scotty to see him naked.

Scotty decides not to ask about Kevin's strange behavior directly.

"How was your day?" He asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Great. Fine. Had a long strategy meeting." Kevin replies. He doesn't sound annoyed, but not very happy either. He's usually in a much chattier mood when he comes home, ready to fill Scotty in on the daily gossip.

Kevin has his pants in his hand, looking a bit unsure of what to do next. Scotty smiles at his confusion and lies down on the bed, spreading out to see the show. Kevin looks at him for a second before excusing himself and going into the bathroom. Scotty sits back up, still puzzled. Kevin quickly emerges, putting his suit pants back in the closet, not to wrinkle them.

"I have a slight headache, do we have any pills?" Kevin asks Scotty, walking over to give a perplexed Scotty a kiss.

"Yeah, in the kitchen…" Scotty says. Kevin smiles at him and leaves the room.

****

Two hours later Scotty has finished his pasta, after having asked Kevin at least thirty times if he was sure he didn't want any. Kevin had declined every time, just sipping his water and eating an apple.

The mind-numbing TV show they've been watching comes to an end, and the silence between them indicated that they both feel ready to go to bed. Scotty's head has landed on Kevin's shoulder, and he slowly lifts it.

"I'll just fix my dishes, and I'll be right in bed." He says to Kevin. "Why don't you wait for me there?" He suggests. Kevin nods and gives him a kiss.

Scotty cleans the kitchen quickly, and then brushes his teeth. The wet tooth brush next to his tells him Kevin is already done, probably stretched out on the bed, waiting for him. He feels like whistling a happy tune when he turns off the lights in the apartment to turn in for the night, and surprise strikes him when he walks into the bedroom.

Kevin is on his side, under the blanket, wearing a t-shirt. Scotty's t-shirt, one he knows Kevin likes, but still, he never sleeps in a t-shirt. His eyes are closed and his breathing slow, like he's already asleep. Scotty figures he must have had a long day, so he quietly undresses himself and crawls under the blanket. He moves closer to Kevin, but before he can put his arms around him, Kevin turns around.

He looks a bit tired, but clearly awake.

"Is it okay if I spoon you?" He asks. Scotty doesn't reply, just settles into Kevin's arms. Kevin kisses his neck and soon they both fall asleep.

****

When Scotty's alarm rings Kevin is already up. Scotty looks at the time. Good, he has plenty of time before he has to be at work, so he can take a long shower and have breakfast with Kevin. He gets out of bed, putting on only underwear and a t-shirt.

Kevin sits by the computer, checking his mail like he does every morning. Scotty kisses his hair when he walks by on the way to the kitchen.

"You want boiled eggs?" He asks.

"No, I'm not hungry. I'll have something in the office." Kevin replies.

Scotty walks backwards out of the kitchen.

"Kevin, you haven't had a decent meal in over twelve hours, are you okay?" Scotty asks. Kevin briefly looks up at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He casually replies.

"You also had a headache last night, maybe you're getting sick." Scotty says. "Is your mouth dry?" He asks, stroking Kevin's shoulders.

"No, I'm fi…" He starts. He looks up at Scotty. "I'm fine. I promise." He assures. "Don't worry about me honey." He says, pulling Scotty down for a kiss.

"Okay." Scotty hesitantly says. "I'm gonna take a shower, do you want to join me?" He asks.

"Eh, no. I need to finish some papers and go to the office. I'll shower tonight." Kevin says.

****

When Scotty comes home from work he hears the shower running. Kevin's briefcase is on the floor and on the small table is a banana peel and an empty bottle. Scotty picks it up. 'Meal Replacement' he reads on the label. Since when doesn't Kevin have time to eat? If there's anything he always prioritizes, it's that.

Scotty puts down his own bag on the floor. He walks over to the bathroom and tries the handle. It's open and Scotty slides in. He hears Kevin humming a song, and therefore doesn't notice when he gets company.

Scotty undresses quickly and as soundlessly as he can, pulls away the shower curtain to join Kevin under the hot water.

"Scotty!" Kevin screams when he feels Scotty's hand on his back. "What are you _doing_?"

Scotty doesn't know what to answer. His naked body reaching for Kevin's should be explanation enough, he doesn't know which words to use.

"I just though…" He starts, but his voice trails off. In the meantime Kevin has wrapped a towel around his waist, stepping out of the shower.

"You don't want to shower together?" Scotty quietly asks.

"No," Kevin says with a shaky voice. "I'm already done." He gestures at the shower. "All yours." He quickly collects his clothes and leaves the room.

For a second Scotty just stands there. His arm is wet and cold, he is completely naked and his husband has lost his ability to take a hint. The whole thing repeats in his head until he's so mad, he just wants to scream to Kevin to get his ass back in the shower so they can get some steamy sex on a Thursday night.

He barges into the bedroom to find Kevin there, still only wearing the towel.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asks, his voice loud and slightly aggressive. Kevin looks up, shocked.

"What? I'm getting dressed." Kevin says.

"Don't be all innocent with me." Scotty pleads, his voice lower and calmer. "Since when don't you want to shower together?" He asks, his voice almost breaking.

"It's nothing Scotty, I'm just not in the mood." Kevin goes through clothes thrown on a chair, looking after some specific piece.

Scotty walks over to him, putting a hand on Kevin's naked back.

"Kevin, are you really okay?" He asks. His voice is thin and fragile, his fear for Kevin so obvious. Kevin looks up at Scotty. His eyes drift a bit and lands on the full-sized mirror on the closet door. He stares at the reflection.

Scotty follows his gaze, seeing Kevin in the white towel and himself, still naked. He's taller than Kevin. He barely ever thinks about it, but he is. Almost a head taller. He straightens himself up to see the difference. He sees Kevin's reaction in the mirror, and quickly Kevin steps out of the view.

He walks over to the bed and sits down. Scotty walks over and sits down next to him. He takes Kevin's hand. He doesn't need to say anything, Kevin knows he has to spill.

"Scotty, I know you've had some problems with me lately." Kevin starts. Scotty's jaw drops. Of all the things Kevin might want to talk about, _that's_ what he says.

"What?" Is his instinctive reply. Kevin doesn't seem to notice his surprise, but continues:

"I know I don't look like most your friends or like the guys in that movie."

Scotty has a slight memory of saying someone in a movie was hot. It was probably Johnny Depp in 'Pirates of the Caribbean'. That man knows how to wear eye-liner.

"I'm trying to lose some weight now, and hit the gym for a bit." Kevin continues.

"That's why you're not eating? But Kevin, why do you want to lose weight? You're beautiful." Scotty says. Kevin looks at him in disbelief.

"Scotty, you don't have to. I know I don't look perfect, so I want to work on that, for you. It's not a problem."

"But Kevin, it is a problem, but not the one you think. It's a problem that you stop eating and don't want me to touch you when you imagine this." Scotty squeezes Kevin's hand. "I mean it Kevin, you're beautiful." Scotty emphasized every word, looking straight into Kevin's eyes.

"Really?" Kevin says.

"Of course, Kevin. You're the hottest guy I've ever known, and I'm not just saying that."

"But just now, when you looked in the mirror." Kevin says, looking at the spot by the chair where they stood. "You looked at yourself and saw the difference."

"Yes, Kevin, I saw that I'm taller than you. Actually, I'm quite happy we don't look the same, because that would be a bit creepy." Scotty says. Kevin doesn't reply, he just looks at Scotty.

"I think you're the most attractive guy walking on the face of the Earth. No other guy makes my heart skip a beat every time he looks at me." Kevin looks at Scotty when he talks, following the movement of his lips.

"Really?" He says quietly. "You really think I'm hot?"

Scotty doesn't reply. He leans over Kevin, pushing his lips against his. They fall backwards on the bed, Scotty pinning Kevin down. He tugs at the towel around Kevin's waist, exposing Kevin's body to the air.

"Really." Scotty confirms. "Now let's get back to the shower, because I haven't showered yet, and you still have conditioner in your hair."


End file.
